Subscribe in a readerA Happy Marriage Is All About MoneyPosted by ahc99 on September 22nd, 2008
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According to the New York Times in this article. Nope, the article isn’t saying how you need to make loads of money in order to have a happy marriage, but rather it is crucial to marry someone that has similar outlooks as you about money - or at least be able to find some middle ground - so that you can make financial decisions as a team.
This isn’t really surprising though is it? In an age where 50-60% of people get divorced and the number one reason for divorce is due to money, it doesn’t take a large leap to believe money is quite important for a blissful union. There can be many money issues that married couples squabble over, from unequal financial status, undisclosed financial state, shared financial responsibility, to over spending and lack of financial support.
“A lot of the debates people have about money are code for how we want to live our lives,” said Betsey Stevenson, assistant professor of business and public policy at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School, who researches the economics of marriage and divorce. “A lot of the choices we make in how we want to live our lives involve how we spend our money.”
Money is an expression of values, so it isn’t surprising that disagreements about purchasing decisions are a symptom of a deeper malaise.
Money itself might not be the end-all, most important thing in life. After all, it is transitory and I can name a number of other factors that are vital for a successful marriage: trust, commitment, love, honor, family. But it is such a huge part of our lives that we cannot discount its significance, everything we do or want to do hinges on making and spending money. Money issues can destroy a great relationship, but the absence of money problems doesn’t guarantee a successful relationship.
There are too many stories about couples getting into heated arguments about money after the honeymoon stage has cooled down. After love stops clouding their eyes, they realize how different they are. Many times one person may be a great saver while the other is a shopaholic type. So as the spender drives the couple deeper into debt, the saver is scraping by hoping to keep the family afloat. Other stories you have the couple with different priorities about money. One person wants to save for a large HDTV to go with their new X-box 360 while the other person thinks it is more important to take memorable family vacations that they can treasure for a lifetime. Either way, the money issues cause resentment to set it when one party doesn’t get their way.
The article has some good advice about how to become more compatible when it comes to money:
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Talk and share goals - Definitely one of the most important things in general for a marriage. If you don’t have communication and you don’t know what the other person wants to do in life, then you don’t really understand that person at all. Once you talk and share, then you can compromise and start making decisions as a team rather than individuals.
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Run a home like a business - Something many finance gurus approve of. To do this, you should set up a budget and keep track of your income and expenses. Not only does this make each person more financially responsible in the marriage, but it is much easier to accumulate wealth together when you start to actively manage it like a business. Otherwise often you won’t know where your money goes.
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Be supportive of careers - In general if you have a partner that is supportive of your major life decisions, it helps you become more successful too.
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Enjoy, but within reason - One of the most important financial commandments is to spend within your budget. Everyone should enjoy the earnings they reap, but be sure to save for a rainy day too.
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Use a mediator - If the couple has radically different opinions on where the money should go (one to buying a yacht and the other giving it all away to charity), it would be a good idea to seek out a financial advisor or planner so that could compromise and find some middle ground.
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Maintain some independence - Even though in a marriage often you need to pool your resources to pay of expenses that range from rent, insurance, taxes, utilities, and school; it would be good for both people to have some financial independence so that they can occassionally splurge and buy what they want without mutual consensus. This gives each party some breathing room which is essential for a healthy relationship.
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Invest in your marriage - Just like everything else in life, if you invest in it, it will grow and blossom. Otherwise it’ll wither and die. Everyone has probably heard of the couple that worked very hard, accumulated a lot of money, only to end up in divorce court when they retire because they realized they had grown so far apart over the years that they didn’t have anything in common anymore. You can prevent that by investing in the marriage throughout the years by spending both time and money on each other so that you keep the marriage both fresh and lively.